Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I Must Be Crazy

Suddenly she sees herself as others might possibly view her, " She must be crazy." and she thinks to herself, " yeah, probably but it might possibly be a little fun on the way."

So, I'm due to have my third child on Christmas day, I thought I was done, but somebody has other plans. I'm sad to say I cried at first, the selfish reaction of one who frequently forgets that God is running this show called my life.

I wasn't sure how I was ever going to be able to handle having another child, was afraid of further losing my identity, or what I perceived my identity to be.

To further up the stakes I have decided to homeschool my son starting the end of this month and knew that I would be beginning that with a toddler and soon after a newborn......and just where was my identity again?

So many fears and doubts crowd your head as a parent anyway and then as a new homeschool parent too that I felt fearful, doubtful, and stressed.

Yet somehow I now have a peace about the whole thing....

I CAN DO THIS!

And it's not because I'm so prepared, even though I have researched and studied. I have covered topics on styles of homeschooling, organization tips, tips on keeping a toddler busy while teaching your older kids, and state requirements. I have printed, written, catagorized, and aquired more info than I can probably sort through in a school year. I have heard both sides and concerns of the issues at hand.

And it's not because I am a glutton for punishment, even though some probably think so. (though there are likely to be days when I feel like that)

And it's not because I'm religious......even though I am a follower of Christ.

It's because, today, I believe this is the best choice for my son's education.

Does this mean I may not change my mind in the future? Absolutely not. This is right for today. Circumstances may change in the future. I reserve the right to decide year by year according to my children, their strengths and weaknesses, according to my strengths and weaknesses.

Some of my weaknesses are already being challenged and exposed and I believe that will bring growth.

I don't think it will be a cake walk. Having a newborn brings its own set of challenges. But, where I felt fear before, now I feel determination and I feel peace....at least today.

There will be people who think I'm crazy, (sssh don't tell anyone it's true) and people who think it's great. I won't get it all right no matter what I do and so I aspire to do the best I can as a parent and teacher and recognize that there will be times that I fail miserably at both as every parent does.

2 comments:

  1. Congratulations! Your not crazy. You are a wonderful, dedicated mother of young children.

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  2. I love this Marissa!!! Everyone deserves the right to make the decision that is best for their family, without comments from the peanut gallery. and I am so excited about the newest little Stanfield!!! Maybe "she'll" be born on my bday, the 22nd =)
    Becca

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