Spreading the Christmas Joy

   It's that wonderful time of year again......Christmas time. The time of year that we should be reminded of the biggest example of giving and sacrifice ever modeled. It's a spirit we often forget in the rush and tumble of the latest toys on " Santa's list." Instead it becomes the spirit of I want things my way......the perfect dinner, the perfect presents, the perfect memories, pictures with pefect little kids dressed in perfect little clothes. 
   I am so guilty of all of the above. I wait until the last minute to get things done, then scurry around screaming at my kids when they don't get in the car fast enough and do silly childish things. I get annoyed when my kids act goofy while I'm trying to get Christmas pictures. I try to do too many things in one day and get annoyed with all of lifes(and kids) little interruptions. 
   This year I am trying to do things differently. It doesn't mean I am going to succeed. I am sure there will be gross failures along the way. I just want Christmas to be different this year. I want my kids to have good sweet memories of Christmas, not memories of a harried mom scurrying everywhere and being impatient. Here are a few things I am doing this year.
   First, on Pinterest I found a link to a website with ways to bless other people. The ideas are printable. I printed and laminated them and put them in a jar. I spent some time talking to my kids about giving to others and how that was truly the point of Christmas. There are a wide variety of ideas, but the one my kids are wanting to start with is going to the dollar store and leaving some dollar bills on a toy with a note saying Merry Christmas. 
     I truly started worrying about this when I noticed my kids asking people what they had gotten them for Christmas. I know that is an exciting part of Christmas for kids, but I don't want them to focus on that. I really want them to be able to enjoy the spirit of giving. We don't have a lot of extra cash floating around so our ideas will be simple and small. I am looking forward to buying a bunch of flowers and handing them out to older ladies walking out of the grocery store......such a simple small thing to do.
    I am going to focus on trying to not let others stress me out. I'll do what I can do and not worry about the rest. I want things to be perfect and organized just like anyone else, but I have to know my limits too. If my kids are making goofy faces in our pictures someday that will be a sweet memory. At least I will know they are having fun. I'm not going to get worked up when they are helping me bake cookies and it takes twice as long because in a few years they won't want to help.  

He is the king of goofy faces, but that is my Bodie.

    This year for Christmas I just want to have fun! I don't know how well this will work, but that is my goal this year. It's not all about us this year, but about having fun, sharing, making lasting memories, and being an example of giving.  
 

Homeschool Mother's Journal 9/27

It's amazing what a week off can do to your perspective. It sounds kind of funny to be wishing for a week off this early in the school year, but it was actually way over due. Glenn and I really have not had a chance to get away in a very long time. So it truly is not that I wanted a break from school, but just a break in general. It gave me a chance to do some reflecting on my life, on school, and the kids. It gave me a chance to think on my goals for the year and what is working and what makes me tense. We had a great time just relaxing, no agenda, and a change of scenery.

Fishing makes him happy.

In My Life This Week: My time off led me to remind myself .......again that I keep putting us in a box. I have such advantages at my fingertips and I keep forgetting this and keep trying to put us in some standard classroom type setting. I find myself becoming an easily irritated teacher. Upon reflection I realized I am not happy when I teach like this and honestly my kids are not either. I'm an outdoors girl and when I put us in the "classroom" setting I feel like I all I love is escaping. Once I finish school I feel like I have to run around the house trying to do chores, get supper on, and then it is evening and I might not have even gotten a chance to be outside. So I am reminding myself again that the world is our classroom. Also, I'm on  a quest to get back some of my identity and enjoy things I like. This week I got on a green broke horse for the first time in over a year. I have not been riding much at all, something I miss dearly, so it felt great but also a little scary. I'm not in riding shape and that messes with your mind because I know one silly move from a green horse could end me up on the ground easily. I also know how hard that ground can be and how much older I feel without moving to the ground in rapid speed. So I had to swallow the knot in my throat and hope he was as ready as I thought he was. Thankfully besides being a bit sluggish and trying to figure out my requests we had a decent ride and I felt like I'd over come a huge mountain in my mind. YAY!

In School This Week:

We spent more time outside. We had been studying Lewis and Clark's journey, read the book and watched a short movie on it. So we decided we'd try out our own map making skills and draw a map off our back pasture. The kids put on their backpacks, took their notebooks and binoculars and off we went on our journey.


 



I don't know if he's Lewis or Clark, but he's leading the way.



Our letter for the week was C so we decided that was a great time to make cupcakes.

Brooke loves it when the letter of the week involves eating something.

Here we are doing a few more fun things that start with the letter C.

What's working what's not: I am really liking Abeka phonics and language from a teaching aspect, but I also liked Sonlight's creative side. Since I actually have the Instructor Guide for Sonlight's language I pick out some of the creative things they have listed. I feel like it makes it really well rounded and Bodie seems to enjoy it. The work sheets are super easy for him, but he struggles with the creative things. This gives a chance to use both.

I am inspired by: classical education. At this point it is still intimidating to me, but I can really see the benefits and may try more of it as time goes by. Any advice? Pointers.

Questions I have: Has anyone done classical and standard education? What are pros and cons of each?

I felt like it was a great week back and am excited to what this next week holds as well.

My Little Monkeys

 

How can you resist such a face?



And that hair?



This summer is going so fast. School is going to be starting up so soon and I am trying to get myself back in school mode. It will be here before I know it. In the mean time I am enjoying summer and some of the sweet moments I catch!

Brooklyn is growing so much. It is hard for me to believe that she is already six months old. She is figuring out what food is and she likes to eat!

Bodie has really matured over the summer. I have seen some changes for the better in him. He has relaxed and settled down a lot and I have

really been able to enjoy him! He is such a funny boy and cracks me up sometimes.



And my great warrior!













My other monkey!

Thank God Bodie has settled down for the moment because Brylee has amped it up! She has really worked me over time and keeping up with her right now is a full time job. She is like a whirlwind. Beautiful, but up close she can be down right ugly at times.


They are all blessings in my life and I wouldn't trade a thing. It will be a joy to watch them continue to grow and see all the changes they go through on their journey.

Weekly Wrap Up

http://www.weirdunsocializedhomeschoolers.com/




Sweat drips, flies buzz, time seems to stand still. The chicken egg I accidentally dropped on the sidewalk is literally cooking in the sun. Here in Florence texas it is not unusual to have hot summers. Triple digit days are common for mid summer, except we have already had a month of triple digit weather. With no rain in sight, we have no relief in view for a while.

So what do you do with yourself, your sanity, and your kid's energy when it is 104 outside still at seven o clock at night?

Splash pads, waterparks, pools, or sprinkler parks are the way to go. Thankfully people around here got smart and started adding water features to a lot of the local parks. Most of the sprinkler parks are free or at least low cost so we can afford to go. In fact there is a new one that we are going to try to hit this week. It costs a dollar to get in.

 It is not realistic for us to get out every day. We live too far outside of town to make it affordable for one thing. Also, I have a three year old and a six month old that really have to stick to nap schedules. We might be able to skip nap time one day, but the next day would be impossible without naps.

On the days we are stuck here and it is too hot to play outside we have to get more creative. Here are a few ideas: We play ball in the hall with brooms. Of course we have certain rules applied so we don't kill anyone or break anything, but it is pretty fun! Sometimes we play basketball with socks and a small trashcan. (or you can play fold and throw in laundry basket and get two things done at once) Bubbles in the bath tub. I am out of bubbles and need to get more. This is a great time filler. You only need a few things for the times when the fighting starts or they start to get restless. In our house there are naptimes (or rest time for those that don't nap any more) plus meals and snacks and maybe a movie in the heat of the day.

I am finding if I have a few fun things to do that are different then we can make it through the rest of the day. If you have one day a week where you go to a sprinkler park or a bounce house, and one day you run and do shopping, then you only have a few days where you need to come up with extra projects. Don't forget you can enlist your kids help with your daily chores too and most of the time they enjoy it.

A few more fun ideas for days you can't get outside: make indoor tents, have a tea party and let them help you make cookies for the party, hide and seek indoors, and even make up a treasure hunt. You can google and find more great ideas. The trick is to have your list of options available ( I now have a list on Cozi, which is a free app for Iphones ) so when the summer time blues hit you can whip out your list and come up with something fun!

Summer Time Squabbles

Summer time arrives and regardless of whether you homeschool or not you are ready for a change. Those who don't homeschool look forward to having some time to spend with their kids.  Those who do homeschool are looking forward to some time away from their kids.

So summer starts off  with a bang! There are camps, VBS, swimming lessons, trips to the grandparents, and maybe even vacation. Suddenly the whirlwind  of activity slows down a bit and we are left with half the summer trying to figure out what to do.

 Then summertime squabbles begin and you find yourself wishing they were back in school. I realized the other day the big difference in summertime and school. We are still at home either way, but school time is much more structured. I don't know why it takes me so long to realize that me getting a break should not mean no schedule. No schedule equals chaos and more fighting. Once you have more than one child it gets harder and harder to let the day just happen. When I let the day "happen" it is not pretty.

So, I am pulling myself up by the bootstraps and reeling them in again.

Today every time I had fighting I gave them a job to do. The funny thing is I never had whining about the jobs I handed out. They were happy to have something to besides making their own fun. Bonus for me: no fighting and getting more things accomplished around the house.

I have moved through my day with purpose. After we got some things around here finished we went to the Florence pool.(who knew they had a pool) The kids had a great time and they were tired when they finished.

I know that if I keep them busy I have much better days, but I have a tendency to wait until I am having problems to try to come up with things,and I am not good with spur of the moment plans. One of my favorite blogs Preschoolersandpeace says with young kids you must have a battle plan. This is so true because otherwise they make you the battle and at the end of the day you feel like you've been in battle.

So write out your battle plan.......your list of things that you can use to entertain your kids. Keep it handy, write as many ideas as you can. When the battles around your house begins you don't have to think, you have your ideas all on paper. Better yet look at your list at the beginning of the day and steer your kids through the day that way. I promise it will be so much better, less whining, claims of being bored, and less fighting. Now if I can just remember that summer is a time to relax, but routines can still help with that I'll have more days like today and less wild frontier days!

Today was one of those days I wasn't too sure whether to look forward to or hide from. Amazing how a few hours in the morning can set the tone for the day.

I got up this morning knowing that I had to go to town ( that sounds like such a journey, it is about 25 minutes one way so not that bad) and that I would be better off going early. Go in early, get finished, and get home right? If I go in later it is a lot harder because Brylee gets up from her nap around two and by the time I get back it is a rush to get stalls cleaned, horses fed, dinner on, and all that fun evening stuff. So I decided the morning run would be best.

That is when the drama started. As soon as Bodie realized that school would not start as usual at 9:00, his whole world came crashing in on him. Like I said a few hours can set the whole tone.

He cried, not just a little whining, but full out laying across the bed sobbing.

Now I am not a very emotional person, so sometimes it is very hard for me to know how to respond to his emotions. I'll be honest, the first thought that runs through my head is how much I want to laugh at the theatrics of it all. And I do smile....LOUDLY inside my head. ( I do that a lot) My second thought is ok this is pretty normal for this age, and then another thought,........isn't it? Third thought.......how long do I let this go on before I tell him that's enough? 

I honestly don't know the answers to those last questions, although a friend assured me she has dealt with many such days, which at least made me feel like it must be fairly normal. But, I still wonder what is the best way to react to such an outburst? 

I tried to explain to him that we were still going to do school, it was just a delay. Explaining really was a waste of energy. There was no way that was going to comfort him. 

In the end I let him cry his eyes out, the tears subsided......eventually and we were able to load up in the car. Before we pulled out of the driveway, I said a prayer out loud about disappointment and how sometimes when our plans get changed for the day, it can end up being a better day than we thought it would. ( see, Lee, I was listening Sunday) Mostly, I think I was praying for myself that I would not pull my hair out from all the drama, although I did not specifically say that, just a small mention of attitudes getting better.

Later, though, I was reflecting on the days events and realized it really isn't that different for me. The only difference is that I am not five with my emotions on my sleeves. Yet, I honestly can't say I handle my disappointments that much better. No, I don't throw myself on the bed and cry my eyes out. I don't stomp my feet and scream.  Maybe I would feel better if I did. I get sullen and quiet, or I get short with my kids. Sometimes when my day gets messed up, I feel rushed and gripe at the kids because they aren't moving as fast as I think they should. My plans get rearranged and I don't find myself praying to God asking to find the good in the day. I find myself being irritated, frustrated, impatient. It really isn't all that different except in the end after all his crying, he probably felt better. Indeed, he had a pretty good day. Where as I think for myself I would have felt worse because I probably would have said or done things that did not make anyone feel better. In the end I have to conclude that kids have a way of showing our weaknesses to us even when they aren't trying to.

One More Way To Get More Organized

Feeling kind of mellow tonight, probably just tired as I have been up late every night lately. I am trying to get our office (which has served as a storage room for quite sometime) cleared out so I can move Brylee in there a few months before her baby sister arrives. It has been a slow process. Why is it the more stuff you uncover the more crap you realize you have?

I don't know why for sure, but it really has been the last several years that I realized the importance of going through all of our stuff on a regular basis and throwing it out. Especially after Brylee came it became a priority because we have limited space.

I guess I am a slow learner, but I am slowly getting there. About two weeks ago I started having Bodie do ten minute cleanups in his room every day. All along I would just tell him to clean his room and it would take forever. I realized saying clean your room is kind of vague and overwhelming for a five year old. So I started setting the timer for ten minutes. I could tell if he had really been cleaning or just playing around. If it was hardly any cleaner, he would get another ten minutes. That really got his attention and he started going fast when I would set the timer. In ten minutes if he is really cleaning he can usually get most of his room finished. When I first started doing this he would whine and complain that he didn't want to clean up, but once it became the routine he has fallen in line pretty quickly. I do not expect perfection and we save the deep cleaning for Saturdays. On Saturdays I do have him clean under his bed and his train table......deep cleaning. I help him and we sweep and shake out his rugs and stuff.  This past Saturday he said," Momma there is hardly anything under my bed!" All I thought is why haven't I thought of this before?

The same thing goes for me. I feel like I am chasing my tail sometimes though. That is when I really started getting rid of stuff.....just hauling boxes off to the caring place. If we don't wear it, use it, or play with it then bye bye. I can't even hope to organize or do ten minute clean ups without clearing out the clutter. So with every box I haul off I feel a little closer to achieving my goal......maintaining a house with a little less mess.

Days

So excited because Bodie's school stuff is coming in any day. For about the last week we have been doing a normal school routine. Honestly this is more for Brylee than Bodie. I was not about to start our first week of real school without having her be used to having to entertain herself some. In doing this I realized how little she is ever expected to sit in one place for more than a few minutes. We have been starting out with circle time where I read out loud a short story. I am only expecting her to sit in my lap for about ten minutes right now, but you would think I was killing her.( I really don't get this as I read to her every night and don't encounter a problem) The first five minutes really is her crying and wrestling to get down, and it is just crazy to me that she can not sit for that length of time.

Bodie goes along with just about anything I have planned with very little fussing so far. Of course at this point mostly everything we are doing involves active work. He is a little slower with the worksheets I have printed off for him from the net, but has been good to complete them with very little assistence on my part other than explaining the directions.

One of the things I am looking forward to with his curriculum is not having to come up with so many ideas on my own. It makes my brain tired. On the samples of the teacher's guide that come with his stuff are multiple choices of things you can do that tie in with what you are studying. There are activities listed, books listed, and sometimes field trip ideas. Hopefully I am not being too optimistic, but am kind of looking forward to that. Also, I am excited to just have the planner so week by week is scheduled out (Ii can change it up or vary it as needed) so I know exactly what I need to have ready ect. Right now everyday I just come up with ideas for both Bodie and Brylee. Because of the age difference there is only so much they can do together, which means coming up with totally different ideas for both of them every day. Did I say my brain is tired? Thankfully I have found some really great websites that have lots of toddler activities. However, since they don't have a huge attention span at two, I have to have several things on hand at a time so she does not create her own fun. In truth getting the activity set up and cleaning it up after, is not any more work than it would be if she makes her own fun. Ahhhh, but it is clean up that I am prepared for ahead of time so that makes it better.

We had a pretty busy day today. We did circle time, which involved reading and learning poetry, we did science......planting a few things in the garden and transplanting some plants, then he drew a picture in his journel and wrote a sentence about it, he finished a math worksheet we'd been working on, watched a video, had some play time, make pom pom bugs, and did his reading lesson. He also had some time filling different containers with water and playing with that. By late this afternoon he and Brylee were playing outside and he got all weepy on me. I had asked them both if they wanted some bubbles. Bodie said no and Brylee decided she did. I noticed him crying after a bit and asked him what was wrong. ( he is not a crier) That's when he told me that he really had wanted to play with bubbles. After he quit crying I asked him if he wanted to play with them. He said yes and went outside......only for me to discover tears pouring out once more. When I asked him what was wrong he said he didn't know he just couldn't stop crying. Bizarre, he has never done that. I asked him if he was tired he said yes and wanted to get in the tub. So, I am not sure if I wore him out mentally or exactly what the deal was. I will take note of this and see if more of this behavior follows. 

Well, it will probably be me or Brylee tomorrow. As long as we take turns and don't do it all on the same day........

Prep is Everything

Here we are a few weeks away from starting school. We will officially start on Sept 1st. Wow! The amount of information out there and ideas are overwhelming and helpful at the same time. I have a folder I am keeping all school related stuff in. Primarily I have been looking to find ways to keep Bry entertained and busy so we can get things accomplished. I have been impressed with what I have found and now have a much better plan in place.

I have not been doing the whole school routine yet, but have been taking it in steps. Today I laid out my plastic tablecloth on the floor and had Bry making noodle bracelets and putting pom poms from one container to another. When she got tired of that she cleaned it up and I put her in her high chair with washable markers and paper. Mean while Bodie did some other things I wanted him to work on. He was able to stay on task and she was not into things I did not want her to be in.

I actually find it easier to have things set up for her to do rather than her making her own fun. It does mean a lot of research on websites for ideas, and it still means clean up no changing that. However, it is contained clean up and all clean up that I have prepared for. 

I am realizing that I make things so much harder for myself when I let them direct themselves. The times that Bodie is most difficult is when I do not have something planned and he just makes his own fun. Lately with 102 temps outside and our outside activity so limited it is a challenge to keep him busy. Yet, consistently if I have a project for him to do he can and will focus. If I don't, I have him running laps around the furniture and jumping off couches. The difference is amazing.

So while it may a lot of prep to keep their minds busy, it is so much easier than what I get if I don't.

I Must Be Crazy

Suddenly she sees herself as others might possibly view her, " She must be crazy." and she thinks to herself, " yeah, probably but it might possibly be a little fun on the way."

So, I'm due to have my third child on Christmas day, I thought I was done, but somebody has other plans. I'm sad to say I cried at first, the selfish reaction of one who frequently forgets that God is running this show called my life.

I wasn't sure how I was ever going to be able to handle having another child, was afraid of further losing my identity, or what I perceived my identity to be.

To further up the stakes I have decided to homeschool my son starting the end of this month and knew that I would be beginning that with a toddler and soon after a newborn......and just where was my identity again?

So many fears and doubts crowd your head as a parent anyway and then as a new homeschool parent too that I felt fearful, doubtful, and stressed.

Yet somehow I now have a peace about the whole thing....

I CAN DO THIS!

And it's not because I'm so prepared, even though I have researched and studied. I have covered topics on styles of homeschooling, organization tips, tips on keeping a toddler busy while teaching your older kids, and state requirements. I have printed, written, catagorized, and aquired more info than I can probably sort through in a school year. I have heard both sides and concerns of the issues at hand.

And it's not because I am a glutton for punishment, even though some probably think so. (though there are likely to be days when I feel like that)

And it's not because I'm religious......even though I am a follower of Christ.

It's because, today, I believe this is the best choice for my son's education.

Does this mean I may not change my mind in the future? Absolutely not. This is right for today. Circumstances may change in the future. I reserve the right to decide year by year according to my children, their strengths and weaknesses, according to my strengths and weaknesses.

Some of my weaknesses are already being challenged and exposed and I believe that will bring growth.

I don't think it will be a cake walk. Having a newborn brings its own set of challenges. But, where I felt fear before, now I feel determination and I feel peace....at least today.

There will be people who think I'm crazy, (sssh don't tell anyone it's true) and people who think it's great. I won't get it all right no matter what I do and so I aspire to do the best I can as a parent and teacher and recognize that there will be times that I fail miserably at both as every parent does.

Let Spilled Be Spilled Milk

Today I went to my bible study I go to every Wed. It's a woman's bible study and really covers every single topic that you could think of that relates to women and the different struggles they face. It's all about the bondage we put ourselves into and how much more free we would be if we let go of some of the things that keep us from enjoying freedom in Christ. The bondage today was time. I know this is a big thing for me and a lot of women. You only have to look at my earlier post to see I am trying to find ways to stretch the hours I have. I actually feel guilty taking the time to write this because I could be folding a load of laundry, or watering the garden, or sweeping the floor.We, as women, put so much pressure on ourselves that it is no wonder we can't ever find quiet time.
As I was running out of the house to get to my bible study on time and rushing the kids, I thought I am yelling at my kids so I can make it on time to learn how to be more Christ-like. If only I can apply that in my everyday life it would make a difference. I don't have to have anything miraculous happen, I just want to be able to remember in the heat of the moment how to respond in a better way. We get so wrapped up that every day inconveniences become emergencies. I see that response in me a lot. I wanna let go and enjoy these tender years some and not get worked up over the small things........let spilled milk be spilled milk.  

Enjoy Your Kid Moments

Today started out like an ordinary Monday. My son after sleeping for twelve hours woke up horribly grouchy. First, he wanted cereal for breakfast, then he wanted left over pancakes. After I heated the left over pancakes he started crying because he wanted cereal. Momma  doesn't play that way so he ended up having neither. So we both started out the morning grumpy. How is it, I thought, that he can sleep for twelve hours and wake up grumpy? 
 My next thought is do I want to stay home all day and try to come up with ideas for entertainment so I don't have to hear myself saying "No leave that alone, quit that, stop being mean to sister". No I decided I did not have the energy for that so we loaded up his bicycle and his sister and away we went in search of something cheap and fun.
 We ended up at a little park that has quite an area of sidewalk where he could practice riding his bike. It also had a little playground too. I thought on a holiday we might encounter some other kids, but we had the place to ourselves.
 We had a blast. He got lots of practice riding his bike, I got lots of power walking in to keep up. My daughter got some super fast stroller time. We also had a great time on the playground. Once we got back home everyone was tired, but in much better moods. So enjoy your kid time because it changes from minute to minute. Try to remember next time your kid is having a hard moment that it will be over before you can blink. As for me I am going to try to remember that next time I feel my blood pressure rise........maybe counting to ten does work.  P.S. He ate a super big lunch!

Children Who Struggle To Pay Attention and What You Can Do To Help Them

Does your child have trouble paying attention? Do you find yourself repeating directions over and over?Do you hear teachers saying your child has difficulty staying on task or following directions? 
Being the mother of a very active four year old boy, I have heard and witnessed this behavior.
   First, I do believe that this is normal behavior,especially for boys. I am not stressing out about this. However, if there are things I can do to help my son learn to pay attention it will save myself and his teachers some frustration.
  Here are some fun ideas you can do at home that will improve listening skills. I found a cool website that had a lot of games to play with your kids. We modified it a little to work on listening skills.

Make A Trail of Shoes-

The game involves you using a laundry basket and all family members shoes.( you don't have to use all just some) You make a trail out of shoes and then gather them one pair at a time and put them in the basket. You can count how many pairs there are or gather them by color. We actually got a piece of paper and made a chart. Each family member had a certain color and we made marks for how many shoes each family member had. At the end we would see who had the most. Now here comes the paying attention part. When I explained the game to my son he got so excited that he would not be listening. First he started just grabbing shoes and throwing them in the basket.......wanting to get to the end of the trail to see where it went. I had to direct him to slow down and chart each pair of shoes on the chart. This meant he had to take time to look at the color of each person and mark the chart with the appropriate color. It was all he could do to slow down long enough to make those marks. I also told him from the beginning that he has to make sure he took the laundry basket with him as he moved. He would get so excited he would move on without it. I would say what did you forget? The first few times he would look around until finally he remembered to move it along with him. It was fun to watch him process. 

Picnic Time

This was another really fun thing for us to practice his listening skills. We had an indoor picnic because the weather was so nasty. he was in charge of setting things out. I was very specific with my directions. I had him get out four pieces of bread. It took him a while to get the bread open and by the time he did in his excitement he had forgotten how many pieces I told him. Rather than just tell him I would have him think real hard. He remembered on his own. I asked him to put the bread one the counter when he was finished with it. He tried to put it in the pantry. I stopped him and asked him if that was where I had asked him to put it. He had to think before he finally remembered. Every time I explained why it was important to listen so you could follow directions. I had him set the tablecloth a certain way and put the food a certain way. I wasn't trying to drive him crazy, just get him to listen to what I would say. If he got it right at the first I would praise him for using his listening ears. He never got frustrated because he was so excited about the activity and it was a lot of fun for me as well. 
   In the future we will doing a lot of these type activities to help with his listening ears. I'll post on here if I start noticing whether his attention and listening skills have improved.

 

Your Job as a Stay at Home Mom.

I take my job as a stay at home mom pretty serious. It is a job that you don't get paid monetarily for, but the other benefits are pretty amazing. Where else can you shape a person's character? The sole responsibility for shaping the way that person responds to other people and the world around them is on our shoulders. That is not a job to shrug at.
 So naturally the other day when a friend of mine asked me why I have been so busy lately if I am not holding down an outside job, I was a little irritated. Really? She even has kids of her own. I'm not sure what people think goes on when you stay at home all day. First of all, at my house, I make the deposits, I pay the bills, I take care of the books and tax stuff, I haul the kids around, I clean house and wash clothes and cook. I feed the horses and clean stalls. I play with the kids, I teach the kids, I do the shopping and tend to the garden....need I go on? When I write this I don't want it to sound like my husband doesn't help. We share the cooking. He does clean up, and has been known to wash a load of clothes if needed. We work on the finances together. We really are a team. However, I can never understand people that really don't comprehend how much work it is every day of the week to take care of two kids under five. On top of that I have a fifteen year old stepson that I haul back and forth to school, some too.
  Maybe there are some of you out there that have time to sit around and watch soaps. I have not watched any TV during the day in forever. Yes, sometimes I put a movie on for my four year old so I can get on Facebook or something, but even that is rare. I am kind of funny about how much TV or movie time he gets. In the morning when I make my coffee I normally have to reheat it numerous times before I get a cup drank.
 I'm not saying this for anyone to feel sorry for me. This is what I chose. I love it and wouldn't change it, but please don't minimize it. It is a full time job that is physically and mentally exhausting. In the end I believe it is the most important job a person could do and that is why it is so serious to me. That is why I analyze my response and my kids responses so much.  So just a hint.....don't ask a stay home mom what she does to fill her time. Trust me she has no time to fill and is lucky to get any time to herself at all without scheduling it.

Rude kids/ Don't Take it personally

I know people talk all the time about the terrible twos. I never had terrible twos. Two was still a cute age for us. Three was when we started having issues. Three has been one long year that has continued on into four. I don't want to make it sound like my son is awful, nor have we been working on the same problem for an entire year. (though there are some things like manners that we really have) In a personality book I read it describes him as being an "L" or Lion personality. It says lions are take charge, assertive people who like being in charge....even of you. That is my son. So my struggle as a parent is how to foster his leadership tendencies without letting him become disrespectful and rude. It is really hard!! In my writing I discovered one pattern of behavior that has helped a bit. When I take the time every day to play at least one thing where he gets to be in charge our day is almost always better.
Lately, we have encountered issues when we go out in public. This is a first for us. Up to this point he has always been easy to shop with. It really seems like he has been testing all the boundaries to see what reactions he gets. Isn't that scary? Think what you want, but kids really are like that. He pushes me to the edge frequently to see where he might put a crack in the rules. Sometimes my walls get battered every day. Sometimes it feels like every second of every day. So, lately getting groceries has been something of a challenge. He is loud and hyper. If I stop to talk to someone I know he is loud and interrupts. When people talk to him he gives them a grumpy face and is rude. It's really embarrassing. Now at home that doesn't happen as much because he knows you can send him to his room or time out. Where are you going to send him when you're at the grocery store? Certainly you aren't likely to spank your kid in the store because someone might give you the evil eye or call you a bad parent. They are smart enough to recognize this.
So what do you do? The first thing I hear a lot of parents say is to just avoid going to the store at all. It's not worth the struggle or embarrassment and the kid will grow out of it right? Well, avoiding public places is not an option for me. Even more important than that is I do not see myself as the kind of mom who is going to have a four year old control where I can or can not go. Once a child figures out they have that kind of control it never stops. The other thing we assume is that we must not have passed the parenting 101 class. It's so easy to blame ourselves and take it personally. What we need to keep in mind is that the behavior is a normal developmental stage. Hear me out this does not make it acceptable behavior. However, it is so easy to look at an out of control kid and blame the parent. All kids throw a fit in public at some point. Unless you see that kid on a regular basis you have no way of knowing if that was the first and only episode or the millionth. Instead of taking it personally, I have decided to take responsibility. Mommy is getting revenge. From now on the grocery store is my little practice place. Sorry patrons, this means war.
Before we go in the store we will go over the rules that we abide by in the store, such as inside voice, no whining, and speaking nicely when spoken to. If he speaks rudely to someone we will stop right there and explain to that person that we are trying to learn good manners and we will apologize and say at least one nice thing to that person. No more ducking my head in embarrassment because I don't know how to explain my child's behavior. The only real way kids can learn is by having a chance to practice. Staying at home does not allow for that. So I am not taking my child's behavior personally, but I am taking responsibility for it.

Tracking the behavior of you and your child

Ever since my son was little I have kept a journal. Initially it was started so I would be able to remember when he did all his firsts and other funny things. It has progressed now to my tracking device. I still write down all the funny things that he does because I don't want to forget them. However, I also began writing down the struggles with parenting, with discipline, with losing your identity as a person other than mommy. I started out writing these things as a way to vent. Instead it has ended up being so much more. It has become a way for me to look back and track patterns of behavior for both of us. In looking back at the pages I can see both of our reactions and even things that keep coming back around. I am a little thick, but I am hoping that this will lead to me learning from my mistakes and planning accordingly.
I also got the idea that I should start writing this stuff down and perhaps it would help other mommies and daddies. I know I can not be the only one that struggles with the right way to be an effective parent. With that said I am going to write the good, the bad, and the ugly on this blog and try to keep it up on a regular basis.